37 weeks. Pop pop!
This morning, we have exactly twenty days left. We have an ultrasound this Friday to find out just how big our girl is, and after that we will know if she needs to be c-sectioned or induced, or if we can wait. After the semi-scary arrival of our ten-pound Charlie James, I have no intention of going past my due date this time, and I think the docs are nervous enough to go along with that. :) So it should literally be twenty days or less.
It will be nice to know there is an end in sight. I (foolishly) declared to some friends before this pregnancy began that I love being pregnant. I guess with Gracie I kind of did. It was--after the morning sickness ended--an easy, relatively comfortable pregnancy. She came early, in the summertime, after we'd moved in to a new place. We had family nearby to come help. I didn't get much unpleasantness or heaviness until the last couple weeks. Charlie's pregnancy was tough (understatement---horrible) but I guess I thought that was a fluke?
And this time around has been somewhere in the middle, with its own challenges (nausea! Still! And hugeness! Ha!). I thought I would have energy to be making lots of baby things and maternity clothes, but I've never really hit an upswing. I'll still do it again, someday, when we're ready for another. But I'm happy that we've passed the half-way point in the number of pregnancies I'll be having. :) At least as far as we've figured out. Can you imagine me with six kids?! Hmm.
About this time in my pregnancy with Charlie, I started to feel that end-of-pregnancy ennui. Or maybe it is depression. A little lost. A little hopeless. A little overwhelmed by the momentous task of finishing out three more weeks and then getting through the marathon of labor and delivery. And, unfortunately, I very much remember the difficulty of my last post-partum recovery. I'm having trouble sleeping (which probably feeds the rest of it) and some days I just get so very worried about the baby and the delivery and everything being okay. I have a depression cycle even when I'm not preggers, so I do at least know what this is and that it isn't real. But it is taking some of the wind out of my sails.
Also, physically. Stuff is changing. My fingers are getting fatter! The tummy-tightness of my Braxton Hicks has now graduated to include that icky cramping feeling--sometimes below my belly, sometimes in my back. Other unpleasant things are going on, and I will spare you the details--but I do remember this same phenomenon happening about a week or so before Miss Gracie came. It's weird the things that are considered "good" in pregnancy.
AND, I am a beast! It's okay--you don't have to try to downplay it. I've seen myself from the side. And when I lay down on the couch or in bed, I feel like this sick dinosaur in Jurassic Park:
Luckily my OBs have not taken to listening to my belly this way.
But on the bright side, I have been forcing myself to nest. :) Steve has the potential to still be on MICU (14 hour shifts) if baby girl arrives early, so there has been a lot to prepare. I have enormous lists within lists. And you know how I love lists. :)
Gracie and I were sitting on the couch watching General Conference on Saturday and she laid her hand on my stomach for a while, trying to catch Juliette wiggling. When she finally caught a little kick (or punch?) her eyes got SO big. It was adorable. She also talks to my stomach and pats it, and has even sung songs to her baby sister. I have a feeling I will have at least one very devoted helper when Dad's not around. :)
And speaking of Dad, Steve gets the sweetest look on his face when he talks about finally meeting our new little baby. He is so excited. I love it.
Twenty more days. We can do this!!
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